March 12th, 2009

Tea-drinker par excellence

Do we need a better battery?

MIT scientists. Scientists, I love that word, it's such a catch all, even if it often applied by people who barely know the meaning. All you need is a white coat and anything you do is "Science!".

ALBUQUERQUE* - This morning scientists at the University of New Mexico proved that milk makes coffee cooler and paler. In research soon to be published in Nature, Prof Gizmo Humpeldinck confirmed that the field of putting milk onto things to see what happens is an exciting new area of research for SCIENCE. Humpeldinck expects to soon have a General Theory of Milk that will capture in one simple equation what happens when you put milk on stuff.

Anyway, MIT scientists have found that batteries charge slowly because the electricity has to queue to get in. Their new batteries, with a better door policy, charge 20 times faster and are lighter.

The trouble with this kind of technological advance is that it usually leads not to better use of current resources but the development of fairly pointless new uses that use more resources than might have otherwise been saved. However, if it means I can have a personal jetpack, that's OK.

*We did once make a wrong turn in Alburquerque. We were looking for the zoo and ended up on a housing estate, which was lucky because we could have ended up at the South Pole or anywhere.
Tea-drinker par excellence

Misled by chocolate tax

The very same nutrionist who called for a tax on chocolate let slip on the BBC website that obesity had nothing to do with confectionary. Dr Walker admitted that "obesity is a mushrooming problem".

Ha!

I always suspected those slimy grey bastards, lurking in English Breakfasts and otherwise perfectly good risottos.

The good doctor may have to go into hiding with his comments about chocolate. I once stood behind a woman in a supermarket in Berwick St who was buying the two largest bars of Galaxy you can get and a box of tampons. Try standing between her and her chocolate and see how far you'd get. Limbs would be lost.