I've just tried to listen to Monsieur Pamplemousse, Michael Bond's French restaurant critic sleuth. It's all done in cod French accents. I suppose it wouldn't be too bad, actually it would. With lines like "funny thing about death, one minute you're there, the next minute pfft" the dialogue is pretty smelly too. And then there are the French names. M Leclerc and Moulin Rouge.

Leclerc is pronounced Lecler, the c is silent. It's a bit like the old joke about the Frenchman trying to pronounce Hørsk: the h is silent, the consonants at the end of words are silent and then the o is crossed out. So everytime I hear LeclerK I wince.

And then to Moulin Rouge. For some reason, and Luhrmann film is guilty of this to the extent that I couldn't watch it, Moulin is pronounced Moo-Lon, this makes it sounds like moulons, the second person plural of the present indicative or imperative of mouler, to cast, mold or grind. So whilst "let us grind" might be appropriate, there's a bloody i in Moulin, even Moo-lan is better than Moo-lon. Pah!