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The rapture, receding or approaching?

As you may have read in a previous post, the Rapture Index keeps a tally of signs of the approaching time when all the righteous will be taken unto His bosom.

Last time I looked, late last year, the index was at 158, well into the Fasten your selt belts zone on the scale they provided:

Rapture Index of 85 and Below: Slow prophetic activity
Rapture Index of 85 to 110: Moderate prophetic activity
Rapture Index of 110 to 145: Heavy prophetic activity
Rapture Index above 145: Fasten your seat belts

Well, thanks to a recent volcano, the Rapture Index is now at 160

Items that caught my eye were:
The lack of activity has downgraded this category.

Have they not seen Most Haunted with spiritualist-medium Derek Acorah? I must warn them about this evil program.

In England, satanists are believed responsible a series
of sickening "satanic rite" attacks on farm animals.

Well, satanists are also believed to eat babies and hoover on Sundays. Doesn't mean they actually do though.

Beast Government:
Romania and Bulgaria join the EU.

We've got 27 members now, but 6 did sign the Treaty of Rome, 50 years ago, and 6 is the Devil's number. And (27*50)/2-9=666, so it must be true that the EU is the Beast.

All well and good, but I'm a bit disappointed to find that the scale has changed. Now they've got:
Rapture Index of 100 and Below: Slow prophetic activity
Rapture Index of 100 to 130: Moderate prophetic activity
Rapture Index of 130 to 160: Heavy prophetic activity
Rapture Index above 160: Fasten your seat belts

That's a 15 point swing away from the Rapture. So we're still going down but it doesn't quite seem so doom laden. I wonder what happened that they pushed back the chance of Rapture.

Perhaps if these people got up to more naughty things themselves, like reading Harry Potter or going to Italy on holiday, then the chance of Rapture would be increased. Of course, those participating in such ungodly acts would be damning their immortals souls. So what they need is a cadre of dedicated members who are willing, for the sake of the Rapture, to drink, make pacts with satan, take drugs and generally lounge about on Spanish beaches. Is there somewhere one can apply?


( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
Mar. 30th, 2007 10:13 am (UTC)
Fundamentalist Christian organisations partially funded the exodus of Jews to Israel, and continue to give money to the Isreali government, because the Jews having their own homeland was one of the signs of the apocalypse.

Still boggling at that one.
Mar. 30th, 2007 10:19 am (UTC)
But then these are the same people who (link) believe that the land considered holy by Christians ought to be in the possession of Jews in order for Jesus Christ to return.

This belief is so strong that they seek to fulfill the "prophecies" made in the Bible. Thus, in order to make true the "prophecy" that an all-red heifer will be sacrificed at the site of the Temple at Jerusalem, Christian fanatics, who normally object to anyone other than their god playing the creator, reversed their position on genetic engineering and decided to fund the creation of a red heifer using genetic engineering.
Mar. 30th, 2007 10:22 am (UTC)
I got nothin'
Mar. 30th, 2007 01:19 pm (UTC)
Well, this all sounds extraordinarily stupid.

And if, out of all the major governments on Earth, they picked the *EU* for prime Beastliness, they just haven't been paying attention.
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )