A woman comes to town
It was a pretty dead town. Nobody bothered to go out. Even Saturday nights were quiet and still, not even a wind to blow tumbleweed down Mainstreet. Then, out of nowhere, this woman turns up. In some kind of big glaring open-topped car. She has the music turned up all the way and as she drives up mainstreet, the lights go on. You'd have never really even noticed the houses before. But there they were, and the people were coming out and following the music. Well, she pulls up in the middle of town and we're all there, passing the beers round, jiving to the crazy sound co,ming out of her car stereo. She climbs up on the bonnet and really gets wild. She pulls a guy out of the crowd and shows us how it's done. I mean, she was all over him. I've never seen a grin like that, not since, not before even. He was one lucky guy. And then she's gone. But we can still hear the music, we're still dancing to the beat. We know what to do.
Not going to take this anymore
Fuck, we were getting beat bad, and we had to do something. And this guy comes along with a big idea. He says, you ain't gonna like this but it's all I got. Hell, it's all you got. So get behind me and I'll save you. So we do and he does. Except to be saved we've gotta change. And I don't mean start brushing our teeth and doing some light exercise. No, I mean CHANGE. He gets all this stuff together, wires, test tubes, bits of plastic. He says he's gonna make us like we ain't never gonna be in trouble ever again. So, great. We go along with it. But there's a catch see, we're saved now but we're not really enjoying it anymore. But we can see you enjoy and we don't like that. So we're gonna smash your faces in, because we can. Just you wait.
I opened my eyes and it was all there waiting for me. You might have thought that I would have created something more pliant, but where's the fun in that? Such is the strength of my creation that I occasionally catch myself believing in the actual presence of others, but not for long.
I took this perfectly ordinary beaker
Day 3. Damn! Left window open last night and now there's something growing in the substrate. It started out as a little black speck in the middle but it's really expanded to about the size of a breadcrumb.
Day 4. Well, it's slowed down now. I'm not quite sure why. And some of it is showing signs of photo luminescence. I'm not sure what that's about. Jeff took a few samples and put them in other dishes to see what would happen.
Day 7. It's filling pretty much the whole dish now but is not nearly as dense. The photo luminescence has also spread out so that it's noticeably less bright. But if you train the microscope on it, you can see that it's made up of millions of tiny dots. Jeff says that the things in other dishes are doing ok as well although one of them has started to shrink. I'm not quite sure what that means. He's tagged a few of them with radioactive dyes to see if they spawn.
Day 9. Sure enough, we've found a few bits from the shrinking tray in the main one. One of these pieces has taken up residence in the middle of the tray with some smaller spores. Other spores have spread out throughout the tray.
Day 15. Wow. Not sure what happened but the original tray suddenly went ballistic. It seemed to be doing fine and then all the tagged pieces started to multiply uncontrollably. Jeff notice that the pattern of luminescence had changed too. Well, it looks like this one isn't going to last much longer.
Initiation, planning, execution, closure - that's how a project goes. Sounds simple doesn't it. Well, let me tell you. There wasn't any spec. In fact I couldn't even find a customer but it had to be done. I'd just started planning when I find out that it has to be done by the end of the week. Not the planning, the whole damn thing! So I pulled together what I could find. I started with the idea that it was going to be good but then it all went a bit pear-shaped. The users complained of lack of documentation, no proper accountability and no user manual. I thought I'd made it clear. I'm in charge and do what I say and you'll be OK. But that wasn't good enough, they didn't like the interface and they could never get the right kind of dove. So I said, right, listen. Let's call that the pilot phase. So I made some changes here and there, made the rules a lot simpler, cleared out a lot of deadwood and sent down a sales rep to explain it all and they still don't seem to be happy. Still, closure's soon and I'll be moving on to something else. Product maintenance on this one has been hell.
How to create the world
There are three ways to start it all, although one them is of dubious validity.
You can start from nothing, a spontaneous creation bootstrapped from the void before time and space began. Think about it this way: the chance of anything happening increases the longer you wait. After a very long while, even very unlikely events, such as the Sox taking the pennant, or a man putting down the toilet seat, might even occur. If you wait even longer, the almost impossible might take, Microsoft could deliver on their bug-free software promise or the Pope get a divorce.
After enormously almost infinite amounts of time that which at first appeared actually impossible takes place, like proton decay, the evolution of opposable thumbs or peace in the Middle East. Wait even longer and anything can happen, spontaneous teleportation of my excess belly weight into some stick model's arse, transformation of water into wine, anything.
Before the creation of time to put things in some kind of order, anything can happen wherever and whenever it likes. So by this, possibly specious, reasoning everything will happen, however unlikely, possibly all at once. So, in fact, creation was bound to spontaneously occur, by the mere application of probability.
The second method of creation is to rubbish what you had and start again. At some point, most gods seem to have got pissed off and scratched everything and rebuilt. Some universes are caught in an endless cycle of rinse and repeat whilst others just have the one wash. This is slightly dubious and implies no initial cause and an infinite regress. But if you're comfortable with creating something out of nothing (which happens all the time in sub-atomic physics), then the infinite regress is not too bad. At least there's no one to blame for when it goes wrong.
The third method, related to this and even less credible, is that before anything else was there, god (or gods) sat around for a bit and then created stuff. This really is begging the question, especially for those anthropomorphic deities. In his image just stands as rather inept sexism to any serious analysis and the clay, so common a metaphor, whilst harkening to some primordial soup, is too base a substrate.
Ultimately though, the physical creation is neither here nor there. Whether you believe we were born of stardust or shat out of a donkey, the real creation, which remakes the world every time we open our mouths, is there in the Good Book, as one of the useful truths. In the beginning was the Word.